The Importance of Relationships

The Importance of Relationships

Genesis 2:18
¹⁸ And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone […]

God did not create mankind to be alone. His intention was not for us to be isolated or for us to live a reclusive lifestyle. Scripturally, we are to be set apart, living a separate, Godly, holy life [2 Corinthians 6:17]. We are to live in this world but not be of the world [Romans 12:]. But we are not to do this alone. He has designed us, better yet He commands us to live a life of relationships.

Matthew 22:36-40
³⁶ Master, which is the great commandment in the law? ³⁷ Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. ³⁸ This is the first and great commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. ⁴⁰ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Jesus instructs us that we are to first, have a relationship with God and second, have relationships with others.

The Foundation of Healthy Relationships

God has given us a blueprint for what it takes to have healthy relationships. Throughout the Bible, God has expressed His desire to be in relationship with us. From Genesis, when God walked with Adam and Eve in the “cool of the day” [Genesis 3:8], to Revelation when God said that He would “dwell with them and they will be His people” [Revelation 21:2]. In Scripture you will see a reflection of the kind of relationship that God desires to have with us, and the relationships we are to have with others. From husband and wife, parents and children, siblings, in-laws, the boss and the hired worker, down to simple friendships, we have been given a foundation for every type of relationship we can experience throughout our lifetime.

In Matthew 22 Jesus establishes the key to each of these relationships. We are to love God with “our heart, soul, and mind.” [Matthew 22:37] Any relationship where God is not foremost, will ultimately fail in some respect. Then Jesus went on to say, “love your neighbor as yourself.” [Matthew 22:39] Loving God is one thing, loving others, now that’s a whole other matter. But it is the foundation that Jesus has given us. Really, when you stop and consider what Jesus is saying, He’s telling us the foundation of a strong relationship is selflessness. By Jesus’ standards a healthy relationship is one of giving, serving, and preferring the other person above yourself.

The Enduring Power of Love

Paul picks up this theme and gives the Church a roadmap to follow, when he moves us through how love (or as the King James Version translated it, charity) is, or really is not defined.

1 Corinthians 13:1-7
¹ Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. ² And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. ³ And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. ⁴ Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, ⁵ Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; ⁶ Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; ⁷ Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

So let’s look at this through the lens of relationships.

Charity suffereth long. If we are honest, we are more patient with strangers than we often are with our friends and family (and dare I say it, even with our spouse). Others do not do things exactly the way we do, but we must learn to be patient in our relationships. Taking the time to communicate without becoming defensive and asking, rather than assuming, can go a long way to improve and strengthen a relationship. Love is patient.

Charity is kind. Today, increasingly, kindness is overlooked. Often, we devote more time to our own desires and our needs than noticing or caring about others.  Jesus modeled to us how we are to be aware of what is taking place around us. Three different times in Scripture Jesus was “moved with compassion” [Matthew 9:36, Matthew 14:14, Mark 1:41] on individuals, whether they were by themselves or in a crowd. Kindness is not something you will show others when you are strictly focused on yourself. Love is kind.

Charity envies not.  Learning to be secure, comfortable, and content with where you are and what you have alleviates the opportunity for jealousy to arise in your heart. Envy will poison a relationship, as well as your heart, while being happy for others and what they have will strengthen a relationship, and be medicine for your soul [Proverbs 17:22]. Love does not envy.

Charity doesn’t vaunt itself. Contentedness and humility go hand in hand. When we are comfortable with where we are and what we have, we do not have a need to brag. Again, looking to Jesus, we see God in flesh, walking among the sick, the poor, those people whose lives were falling apart. He was there to meet the needs of those who needed Him, not to coddle the “high and mighty” [Mark 2:17]. Love does not boast.

Charity is not puffed-up. Proverbs says that a “proud look” is one of the seven things that God hates [Proverbs 6:16-18]. There’s a thin line where pride becomes sinful. You can take pride in how you look (as you should), you can take pride in your family (as you should), you can take pride in your work (as you should), but when you allow the pride you have for these things, or anything else to become more important to you than the Kingdom of God, it will become a stumbling block. When pride becomes “crippling” to the point where you cannot focus on others because your too busy focusing on your idol, then you’ve crossed that thin line. But when we put aside our pride, apologize, ask for forgiveness, and also accept the apology and offer forgiveness, this will tear down walls and build bridges in our relationships. Love is not proud.

Charity does not behave unseemly. Charity does not seek its own. One of the deepest ways we can love another person is by helping them succeed in their life. As a friend, it is important to be supportive and encouraging in daily life. Christlike love should show trust and kindness, not manipulation or abuse. Love does not dishonor others. Love is not self-seeking.

Charity is not easily provoked. Everyone has been (or will be) hurt by someone at some point in their life. It is crucial to learn to forgive. Jesus equates our level of forgiveness with God’s forgiveness. We see this in the Lord’s prayer, “forgive our debts as we forgive our debtors.” [Matthew 6:12] Here Jesus is saying that a healthy relationship releases offenses and pursues peace rather than competition, strife, or any tendencies that lead to conflict. Love is not easily angered.

Charity thinks no evil and rejoices in truth. Truth given in love should be the basis of every relationship. The closer the relationship, the closer the emphasis on transparency. God has given us the truth through His Word. While it may not always be easy to read, and we must admit it contain correction, we must agree it is always given from a standpoint of great love. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Charity rejoices not in iniquity. Protecting a relationship means creating an environment where the other person feels safe. When we feel safe, we trust that our friend or spouse has our best interests at heart. When we question and distrust the other person’s motives, the relationship quickly becomes compromised. That’s when we must work to bring the relationship back in alignment. Love always protects.

Charity bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Real love does not give up. Circumstances may change, but when we truly care for someone, we must continue to have faith. Think about this way, God is our source, God is our model, so ask yourself the question, “Does God give up?” If He doesn’t, we shouldn’t either. We must continue to show our love for others. Love always hopes and always perseveres.

Boundaries For Safe Relationships

We must be honest and understand there will be times when in a relationship you are following the guidance found here in 1 Corinthians 13, but the other person is not.

Romans 12:17-18
¹⁷ Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. ¹⁸ If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

We are not to purposely give evil for evil, remember the Golden Rule is not “do unto others as they do to you.” We are to try, as much as possible, to live in peace. But not every relationship should be fostered in our life. Having love for others does not mean we are to allow someone to intentionally hurt us, abuse us, or use us. We should seek God’s wisdom and compassion, and as we do, we should learn to set healthy boundaries with people who are self-centered or are out to only seek their own good. The more self-aware you are and the more you define and maintain your boundaries, the greater your capacity will be to offer empathy and love to others.

There are passages of Scripture that are often misinterpreted such as, “turn the other check” [Matthew 5:39] or “do good to those who hate you” [Luke 6:27]. Some would have you believe that these verses require Christians to allow others to use, manipulate, or harm them. In essence, the interpretation is that we are required to be treated as a doormat. But that is simply not true. Jesus never taught or expected His followers to allow themselves to be harmed or to stay in harmful relationships. Consider this Proverb from Solomon.

Proverbs 27:12
¹² A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself; but the simple pass on, and are punished.

Proverbs 27:12 (Amplified Bible)
¹² A prudent man sees evil and hides himself and avoids it, But the naive [who are easily misled] continue on and are punished [by suffering the consequences of sin].

I want us to consider some passages of Scripture where Jesus was teaching His disciples. With the frame of mind that we are too, His Disciples.

Luke 10:10-12
¹⁰ But into whatsoever city ye enter, and they receive you not, go your ways out into the streets of the same, and say, ¹¹ Even the very dust of your city, which cleaveth on us, we do wipe off against you: notwithstanding be ye sure of this, that the kingdom of God is come nigh unto you. ¹² But I say unto you, that it shall be more tolerable in that day for Sodom, than for that city.

Matthew 10:22-23
²² And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved. ²³ But when they persecute you in this city, flee ye into another […]

Luke 22:35-36
³⁵ And he said unto them, When I sent you without purse, and scrip, and shoes, lacked ye any thing? And they said, Nothing. ³⁶ Then said he unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one.

Jesus exemplified boundaries in all aspects of His life and ministry. He is an example for us in choosing wisely when entering personal relationships with others. Paul expounded on this to the church at Corinth.

2 Corinthians 6:13-15
¹³ Now for a recompence in the same, (I speak as unto my children,) be ye also enlarged. ¹⁴ Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? ¹⁵ And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?

As Christians we should strive to love others and to show them the grace and forgiveness of God through our example. But we must also be wise about when to withdraw from those who seek to harm us either mentally, emotionally, or physically.

The Responsibilities Within Relationships

Conflict in a relationship is inevitable. God calls us to be responsible for investing in our relationships, growing together, and enduring difficult times.

1 Peter 2:19; 21
¹⁹ For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully. 
²¹ For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:

2 Timothy 2:3
³ Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.

Yes, we are to set boundaries and prayerfully seek guidance when the situation deems it, but our overarching responsibility is to love others. Remember the command is that we are to “love them as ourselves” [Matthew 22:39]). Sometimes that is easier said than done, but we are to endure, we are to stick it out during those times when things are not perfect. Whether spouses, siblings, children, church family, or friends for the community, the people with whom we build relationships can help us in profound ways, and we are called to do the same for them. A commitment to keeping strong relationships will result in deeply connected bonds and result in having people in our life who will help us when we are in need, and the blessing of being able to do likewise.

Closing

Relationships are complex and challenging. It is not unusual to have tension or difficult spots, even for Christians. But we are to commit to work through this conflict in love, if at all possible. The commitment involves the principles of charity (or love) as we discussed. In doing so, we will see the relationship through the eyes of Jesus and that will help us to create a bond that cannot be easily broken and friendships that will lift us up when we fall.

In closing, consider the words of the preacher [Ecclesiastes 1:1].

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
⁹ Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. ¹⁰ For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. ¹¹ Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? ¹² And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.